


101 Ways to Kill a Werewolf

by Phoebe_M_FB



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Hogwarts, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:21:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29900334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoebe_M_FB/pseuds/Phoebe_M_FB
Summary: Handed back with a note that says the time and place of their detentions and a proud grin from Peter, James and Sirius. Remus rolls his eyes and wonders why he even bothers trying anymore.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & James Potter, Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	101 Ways to Kill a Werewolf

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fanfiction so please be kind, but constructive criticism is welcome. I hope you like it!

**Remus Lupin -**

Werewolves are susceptible to silver in both human and wolf form. Therefore this is an effective weapon against them at all times of the month. Aconite - also known as monkshood or wolfsbane - is also poisonous to werewolves at all times. If ingested by a person with lycanthropy, it is deadly, if simply touched then it causes a werewolf to break out in extremely painful boils. Because of this fact, werewolf hunters often infuse arrows with aconite so the werewolf is incapacitated when shot. Silver-tipped arrows are also common. Werewolves heal faster than the normal witch or wizard and have a high pain tolerance due to being forced to transform every full moon. When in wolf form, a werewolf is almost indistinguishable from a normal wolf, except for the tufted tail. On the full moon, a werewolf has no conscience and no sense of right and wrong. Many believe that this lack of a moral compass extends to the full month, as stated by Professor Emerett Picardy in his book Lupine Lawlessness: Why Lycanthropes Don't Deserve to Live. The werewolf registry was founded in 1637. Individuals infected with lycanthropy were supposed to sign it as a promise to not bite anyone and stay locked up during the full moon. No werewolves signed it, however, due to the social stigma and shunning associated with being a werewolf.

**James Potter -**

Werewolves are especially vulnerable to chocolate, which can be used to lure said werewolf out when they are choosing to study instead of have fun with their amazing friends. Old, dusty books are also good for defeating a werewolf, as once they get their hands on them they will not emerge until formerly mentioned awesome friends remind them to do small things like eat and sleep (chocolate bait comes in handy in this situation). Werewolves will commonly make threats towards their innocent friends such as, ‘I swear to Merlin I will hex you unless you pick up these disgusting socks from the floor,’ and ‘Do your damn homework before I dump you in the lake to complain to the giant squid.’ Near to the full moon, werewolves are especially fond of cuddles and require exponentially more chocolate than normal. They are unable to function before consuming coffee in the morning so if you wish to catch one unawares, this is the perfect opportunity to do so. They also make a habit of nagging their friends about ‘work’ and ‘OWL’s’ when there are far more important things to be doing, such as filling the office of the DA teacher who set such a stupid essay with flobberworm guts and nifflers. Wouldn't you agree, Professor? See you in class!

**Peter Pettigrew -**

Werewolves are human most of the month and only transform on the full moon. The rest of the time they're pretty much normal. They don't like silver because it burns them and they heal fast. They don't hurt animals on the full moon and are pretty safe as long as they're locked up. They are smart and funny and like to help me with my homework. They don't like ~~atonice~~ ~~arcronite~~ wolfsbane because it hurts them and can kill them if they eat it. They really like chocolate and books and get cold really easily so they wear knitted jumpers everywhere and they really don't like it when you leave dirty laundry on the floor.

**Sirius Black -**

Werewolves are normal people with an illness. Which bigoted assholes who set essays on ‘how to kill a werewolf’ don't seem to understand. Perhaps it’s because their brain is the size of my pinkie toe? Or because they have their wand shoved so far up their arse that they feel the need to be a dick to everyone all the time? Or maybe they were dropped on their head when they were a baby while simultaneously being hit with a confundus? Whatever it is, they are washed-out gits with receding hairlines and pot-bellies who haven't touched a woman since they were being breastfed. There could be a comparison made between them and a drunk troll with splattergroit. And they should really question their decision to become a teacher in the first place, seeing as they have the intelligence of a lump of rock, the voice of a mandrake and the charisma of a dementor. Have a nice day sir, and don't be afraid to open any anonymous presents you may receive. You just have so many secret admirers!


End file.
